Sometimes All We Need Is Someone to Say, “It’s Okay” — Really?

The Endless Search for Validation — And Why It Never Feels Enough.

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We often tell ourselves that validation from others doesn’t matter — but deep down, do we really believe it?

We all want someone to validate our silly selves — to love us for who we are, to embrace our little idiosyncrasies with charm and elegance. And yet, even after all that, we still feel empty.

Throughout our lives, we seek constant validation.

As kids, we looked to our parents to reassure us — it was okay not to score a goal, okay to play with dolls as a boy. In school, we wanted our peers and teachers to notice us, recognize us, and validate our existence. We were shaped by this need, this relentless search for approval.

And yet, adulthood is completely different. It’s a lot worse.

As we grow older, even when the world validates us, when people start showing love toward us and embracing us in the way we always wanted (though I know this is far from reality — but just as a thought experiment), we still feel empty. We still feel unloved. Something inside us remains unsatisfied. A feeling of emptiness lingers.

And it’s not about you, or me, or any individual in particular. It’s about all of us.

I’ve felt it all my life.
I’ve chased validation all my life.

And even now, when people validate me, I still wonder — maybe they’re just saying it to be nice? Maybe they don’t actually mean it? It’s so deeply ingrained that even an act of genuine acceptance starts to feel artificial.

And then, something even worse happens — you hit a new low.

You start believing that people aren’t just validating you; they’re sympathizing with you. Not out of respect or admiration, but as an act of charity.

And that? That’s worse.

The moment you start needing someone to constantly say, “Yes, it’s okay. Yes, you are okay,” you’re in a darker place than when people weren’t paying attention to you at all.

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The Cycle of Seeking Validation

Why is this such a dark place?

Because when you constantly seek validation from others, the need never goes away. You end up chasing things that others approve of — things that have nothing to do with you. Sometimes, you even start chasing things you don’t truly want.

So, what’s this all about then?

It’s about self-validation.

Until you learn to validate yourself — until you learn to be okay with who you are, even if you don’t have the perfect skin, height, or weight; even if you don’t speak like a professional or write like one; even if you don’t know why women should talk to you and you lack the basic self-esteem to exist — you will always be trapped in this cycle.

You need to accept yourself first. Validate yourself. Let that be your foundation. Build upon that.

I see so many writers who write beautifully. Their structure is flawless. They take you on a journey, starting from one place and elevating you to another level entirely.

And when I see that, I question myself.
I doubt myself.

But that’s exactly the perspective shift we need.

If you want to build yourself from a place of acceptance, the first step is to genuinely appreciate others — without resentment or insecurity.

Make sure your appreciation is real.

Of course, you should consider others’ feelings, but you also need to be authentic.

And once you learn to appreciate yourself, you’ll naturally begin to appreciate others.

But wait — didn’t I just say you need to start appreciating others first?

Yes, it’s a loop.

The more you genuinely appreciate others, the more you start to genuinely appreciate yourself. And vice versa.

So, just be honest — with yourself, with others. Live authentically.

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Is It That Simple?

No, it’s not.

People have a natural tendency to conform, and when you start being authentic, they will see it. And they will constantly try to mold you so that you conform.

• Some will offer you opportunities for career growth — but only if you fit their mold.

• Some will make you feel so bad about yourself that you’ll seriously question everything.

• Some will come close to you, enter your inner circle of trust — only to try to change you.

But you have to constantly seek authenticity. I know it will be tough, but eventually, that’s the only path to take.

And one last thing — don’t turn “authenticity” into a game. If you start treating authenticity as a game, you’ll end up using it as an excuse to hurt others. You’ll say, “I’m just being real,” while tearing people down.

No.

Being authentic means developing enough self-awareness to embrace and validate yourself — without seeking external validation.

It also means constantly learning about yourself — your mannerisms, your internal systems, your unique way of thinking — so that self-validation becomes a natural state, not something you desperately crave.